39,000 feet this time, and somewhere over Oklahoma. You know, I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time lately in locations that need to be described like that – altitude and some city, state or body of water I am over. I have to be honest, the newness has long since worn off – many years ago – but I generally don’t mind it. Now would be the exception. I just want to be home.

I am coming off an odd sort of week, too. I stood a trade show booth most of the week in San Francisco at the RSA show. For those not familiar with the show, it is *the* show of the information security industry. Their tag line is “where the world talks security” and they aren’t exaggerating. I lost count of how many countries I saw represented there in the attendees I talked to. It is a big show, too. It fills the Moscone Convention Center in San Fran and has a draw approximating 20,000 people.

And, as for the title of this post, well, it is a bit of an inside joke, but it has to do with my activities today. I found out a few months ago that my speaking abstract submitted to the committee was accepted, and that I would be speaking there. For me, that is the big time. They receive several thousand abstracts and only select a hundred and change of them. I’m reminded of the old joke, How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, man, practice. And from the time I found out about it I was terrified on some level to be honest. I can stand in front of a couple hundred people, no problem. At that size crowd you are still close enough to “be with” the crowd, rather than being separated by a large stage and theatrical lights that prevent you from even seeing the crowd, much less connecting with it. When you start counting them in thousands, well, gulp. And, from the time I found I was going to be speaking there I joked with a couple of my friends that I would count the whole thing a success if I didn’t throw up while actually on stage. Oh, then I saw the schedule and discovered that I’d be on just before The Myth Busters of Discover Channel fame (and personal heroes of mine), albeit they would be opening the room dividers up for them. But being before them made it far more likely that I would have a large crowd.

Today’s story is long, so I won’t go into the gritty details, but I can summarize by saying that the day started with the discovery that housekeeping had evidently taken my only two undershirts that weren’t off at laundry when they changed my linens the day before – I’d laid them on the bed – since they blended with the white sheets.Then, I had a problem that kept me from getting there until less than 5 minutes before I was to walk on. Our marketing director was there assuring them I was going to be there so they weren’t freaking out. I had to run the last several blocks too – in shirt, tie and coat, no less – so I arrived winded and sweating profusely. Yeah, cause I wasn’t apprehensive enough before. I spent those couple of minutes drinking water and doing my best to settle down. I was wearing this really pretty pale green shirt – one of my very favorite ones – but it is one of those materials that turns drastically darker when it gets wet. So there I am, praying (literally) that I don’t end up with a dark ring around the collar. Thankfully this is a talk I’ve given literally dozens of times – or at least some variant of it – so I was comfortable with the material. Then it was time, and I walked in and surprisingly felt completely fine. And – AND – I didn’t throw up! I got great reviews based on the few I saw – all attendees are given sheets at every session to evaluate the speaker for delivery and content – and lots of people wanted to talk to me more about it after – always a good sign. It was really a nothing event in the end, and it does look good on the resume, so it was a win-win, I suppose.

Just the same, phew! I’m so glad to be done with all of it, but I am even more glad to be heading home. I miss my family. I can’t wait to kiss the wife and give the little ones a big squish! The much sought after badge with the green speaker’s ribbon at the bottom, and the show program – with me in it – will go into a drawer a keepsakes, and life will move on. Incidentally, I did meet Bruce Schnier – enough of a legend in my industry that there are Bruce Schnier jokes like those about Chuck Norris. If you don’t know who he is, don’t bother to look them up; you won’t get them. You can look up the Chuck Norris ones for a good laugh, though. My faves are “Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed” and “Before going to bed, he boogeyman checks under his bed and in his closet for Chuck Norris.” Anyway, I digress. I did get to say hi to Adam Savage (one of the Myth Busters!!!) and saw Jamie Hyneman (the other one) from just a few feet away, but he was talking to someone. So, yeah, afterglow.  =o)

Anyhow, so we got held at the gate for 30 minutes because the wind had closed all but one runway at SFO so we are way behind. I’ve passed most of the flight so far making eyes at a girl across the aisle that I met at the airport in SF. She is so cute I just can’t help it. Her sister is cute too, but no where near as cute as her. She has beautiful blue eyes and a great laugh. Been making faces at her too – she is 10 months old, and a little doll. =oP We’ve been entertaining each other. The jerk next to me is too busy grousing about someone bringing babies into first class – how dare they, huh? – that I don’t think he has noticed how cute she is. His loss. I’ve been writing this between goofy faces, in fact. I would ask to hold her but I don’t wanna put her parents in an awkward position.

Anyhow, she reminds me how bad I want to see my little ones. As we near ATL I am getting progressively more excited. Almost home! There is the ding, in fact. Gotta run!

/g